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9.4% ABV "Johann, a young boy, is orphaned when his parents are eaten by a rhinoceros. Johann is consequently sent to live with his two aunts, Aunt Sponge and Aunt Spiker. These relatives are very cruel to him, and he is incredibly lonely, since he has no friends yet longs to play with children his own age. But on one particularly hard day, Johann’s luck changes: an Old Man appears in the backyard and offers Johann a packet of magical green objects… story ends there folks. We want to keep this PG-13 and y'all are a bunch of perverts. We know where you thought this was going."